we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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