Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
