I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
