Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The uberlube is also flammable
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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