I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When did angry sex become our thing?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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