it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize