All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
