you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
