next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
