You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
