I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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