Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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