He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we're chasing vodka with high fives
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
