A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
