PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
