You really coming over, don't trick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
