I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
