i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
