You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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