:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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