If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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