You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
