I will die if light touches me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
