and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
