He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize