We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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