He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want a musical about memes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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