So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him