remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
