Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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