Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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