I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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