ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
