bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
