i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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