Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
