She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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