When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
last night I used snow as a chaser
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