Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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