I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
