When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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