I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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