Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
