I can tuck mytits in my pants
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
