i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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