Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
