Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
