Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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