she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
