You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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