Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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