and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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