I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
