There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
