I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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