that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
