Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
