fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
