at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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