Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
did i walk over a car last night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
