If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
