You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the condom got lost in my hair
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
