Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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