Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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