You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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