Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
