Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My life is pants optional.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
