I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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