We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
